Cutting through the marketing and the BS and focusing hard on true gaming news that matter to true gamers.
Accept no lesser substitute!
True Gaming News doesn’t publish actual news. Instead, it is a joke/satire/parody site that aims to poke fun at a medium that’s been taking itself too seriously for a long time. It also aims to make cheap jokes directed at people actively making things worse. You can read that last sentence either way.
It’s been told many times that actual satire punches up, and we here at True Gaming News agree with that 100%. That is why we dash forward and crouch down next to our target so that we can do a Mortal Kombat upper-cut.
Below you will find our comprehensive frequently asked questions section, which is will be expanded as time goes on.
Q: Is this just a cheap copy of Hard Drive or The Onion?
A: Yes. We are very cheap. You would not believe how little the writers of this site are paid. Some of them do it for exposure. That is just crazy! Boy, let me tell you, if someone ever asks you to do for free something that helps them get a profit, don’t do it, or ask for money. Sure, you’ll say “but I need the experience”, and yes, experience is important, but so is having your work properly valued.
Q: Why does the site look so odd on higher resolutions?
A: The template wasn’t built for that. We’d make our own, but we can’t be bothered. At some point it will be replaced with something proper.
Q: What is your logo supposed to be?
A: One of us had stumbled into Paint one day and thought they could make something cool with the letters and stuff. We didn’t have the heart to tell them it sucks. But, hey, it was cheap. Look on the bright side. We didn’t make the Resident Evil 6 logo.
Q: Are you concerned that some of your articles will be taken out of context?
A: Yes, a bit. We’re also counting on that.
Q: Aren’t you being kinda mean and disrespectful to people who’ve done nothing to you?
A: Yes, a bit. We try not to go overboard unless we can really milk it for profit… I mean… satire.
Q: Considering the climate surrounding on-line discourse, isn’t your site just throwing fuel on the fire and making things actively worse? Aren’t you just perpetuating a culture of sensationalized titles that can be taken out of context and used to stir unrest, or ridicule that borders on harassments, and profiting from it?
A: I mean… when you put it like that it makes us seem like we’re some kind of monster. Man, this has got us thinking. There’s probably some soul searching in the future, to find the core reason why this site started. What lies in our soul that drove us to do this. What darkness lurks within that must be dispelled. On the bright side, we will probably make very little money.
Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: Dag nabbit, not this again! Monkey Island 2 answered that already. Go play it. Stop asking us.
Q: Do you accept donations?
A: Not at this point. Maybe one day.
Q: How often is content posted?
A: Whenever a moment can be stolen from the dark lord that is our day jobs and social responsibilities.
Q: Where do you stand on the political spectrum?
A: Firmly in the center of people who like to think themselves as centrists, even though they’ve got obvious leanings that will cause them to be upset if anyone ever points them out.
Q: Are you a corporate shill?
A: No. Not at this time. For that to happen, it’d have to be a lot of money. And I mean, A lot of money. At least 50$.
Q: Can you help me with my homework?
A: Probably. Send us an e-mail and we’ll see if we can help in time.
Q: Is there someone you won’t make fun of on this site.
A: Yes. Lucas Pope. He scares us.
Q: Were are you based?
A: The only place that anyone can be based. The internet.
Q: Do you ever spellcheck your articles? It seems like you don’t do it that often.
A: Much like most respectable writers, we believe that language is a malleable and ever changing process that never reaches a true final form, so in that way we can be confident that our errors will, at some point in time, be the correct form.
Q: Will you attend gaming events and offer actual coverage?
A: Unlikely as a parody site wouldn’t be a proper venue for covering such events. We wouldn’t even know where to start for filming in a bathroom.
Q: If you’re a site dedicated to gaming, what’s with the occasional articles about movies, TV, books and other stuff? Why not stick to just games?
A: We like money. But, seriously, every gaming site needed to do this because we all write to please the monster that is Google Trends and it must be appeased for us to be granted one more chance at breath, one more day in the sun.
Q: Are you ever going to use your platform for good?
A: We hope to.
Q: Do you know how Anachronox ends?
A: Yes. Tom Hall told us in a dream.
Q: Do you take submissions from independent writers?
A: Once we figure out how to make money, yes, we will. We firmly stand for the idea that writers should be paid.
Q: How much revenue is the site making?
A: Currently, nothing. We hope to get to 10 bucks a month so that we can cover the hosting charges at some point.
Q: Have you ever been asked by authorities to hand over user records and been banned by said authorities from saying that you’ve complied?
A: Not currently, but if this question and answer pair ever vanish from the website, then, oh boy, either some of you did something bad or some agent didn’t reach their arrest quota for the year.
Q: Why don’t you allow user comments?
A: We actually would, but we haven’t figured out how to implement them in a cheap way that diverts all responsibility for the content onto some third party. Maybe when we make enough money we could look into that again.
Q: How much longer is this list going to get?
A: Much, much longer.