Diablo Immortal has been a resounding success for Activision-Blizzard. In spite of years of mockery by seemingly everyone on the internet and numerous claims that “I’ll never touch that chinese mobile cashgrab”, the game has generated over 100 million dollars in less than 3 months since release. And now, the company has set its eyes at generating over 1 billion dollars by the end of 2022 by adding a new service for Diablo Immortal. Specifically, one meant to capitalize on he shame of people who raged for years that they “would rather eat shit then play that gacha garbage”, with that specific spelling.
Activision-Blizzard announces the Hide My Shame monthly subscription service, which will remove any trace of your activity in Diablo Immortal from your account. None of your friends will be able to discern that you’ve been a massive hipocrite who just chases hate trends. The price for this service will be only 5$ a month, but don’t let the low price fool you into thinking that Acti-Blizz is going soft, because this is just the beginning.
If this program is successful, the company hopes that it can further monetize the wrath it has seeded in the world in the last decade. An expanded version of the service will be available in 2023, which will let you hide your entire Battle.net activity. You’ll even be able to retroactively set the amount of time that your profile proudly displays a “Haven’t logged in since” next to, the service even giving you a timeline of Blizzard scandals to chose from.
These events will be available depending on the subscription tier you pick:
- The 12$ Standard Package hides your activity from the moment all that stuff about Activision-Blizzard driving an employee to take their own life.
- For 18$ you can get the Deluxe Package, which hides your activity from the release of Warcraft 3 Reforged.
- The 25$ Gold Package lets you virtue signal your on and off commitment to free speech by showing that you’re still upset about the whole Blitzchung debacle.
- For the 35$ Platinum Package you can pick any of the times Overwatch was accused of being woke as your starting points.
- The 40$ Diamond Package lets you say you’ve haven’t touched a Blizzard game since they decided to release the Necromancer for Diablo 3 as a paid class, without any other content.
- And, finally, for 50$ you can get the Molten Core Package and go back all the way to Mists of Pandaria, allowing you to claim that you knew all along where this pandering to the Chinese Communist Party was heading and that you told them so, but no one listened to your galaxy brain intelect.
Market analysts predict that the service will probably reach 2 billion dollars in revenue by next Thursday.